Hillary Oat Healing

  "I've come to feel downright uneasy with people who can't say no. What if they yes you to death and then secretly hate you for it? If they never say no, how can you trust their yes? Besides, no makes room for yes, and who doesn't want more room for that?”                                                  ― Kelly Corrigan Have you noticed how difficult it can be to say no? Our palms get sweaty, heart pounds and we prepare for fight or flight. When children are between 2 and 4 years old, NO is the word they use most. This is a normal developmental process about finding out who they are. A healthy parental response to a child’s no helps them learn about boundaries. Sadly not all of us have had a positive response to our no. Growing up, when I put my needs, wants, or desires ahead of others I was called difficult, stubborn and selfish. I was ostracized, which felt like death. Lesson learned. Saying no means bad things will happen. I imagine I am not alone with that

  When I was 7 years old I was so excited about Christmas I could barely contain myself. The Sears Christmas Catalog would arrive and my sister and I would study it intently, oo-ing and ahh-ing at all the wonderful presents Santa might bring. Christmas Eve we put on matching red velvet dresses and went to midnight mass at St. Joseph’s Church. The church smelled of candles, evergreen boughs and incense. Red poinsettia's created a wave of color around the altar. The carols we sang were familiar and sung with gusto. I fought to stay awake so I would not miss a single moment. Magic was in the air. When we returned home, we rushed into our pajamas to prepare for the arrival of that jolly man from the north pole. We carefully placed a plate of cookies on the kitchen counter along side a glass of milk. My parents tucked us into bed but our excitement made it hard to fall asleep. We listened intently for sleigh bells and reindeer hoofs on the roof until we finally drifted off. In the  morn

“Our writing can transform us.” ― Sandra Marinella There are so many kinds of letters, "Dear John", "To Whom it may Concern" and yummy love letters. In the days before email I wrote a lot of letters and have kept a stack of them that were sent to me. It was a delight when one came in the mail. Now we tend to send email. Not quite as delightful, but it still can get the job done. I am inviting you to consider writing a different kind of letter. A letter to support healing old or new wounds. I had a difficult experience with someone awhile back. The relationship was broken but it bothered me the way it ended. I never shared my feelings or had a sense of peace with it. So there it sat, following me around like a shadow. One day I mentioned it to the therapist that has supported me through many a crisis over many years. She said "You're a writer. Have you thought about writing a letter?" Oddly I had not thought o

  Red flags are moments of hesitation that determine our destination.” ― Mandy Hale I have been thinking about red flags lately. A red flag is something that draws our attention to a problem or danger. A physical red flag can signal wildfire danger or dangerous water conditions on a beach. Those are easy to see and pay attention to. The red flags we sense in our lives can be more difficult to act on. Red flags can signal danger in every aspect of our lives although we often relate them to relationship issues. It is interesting to consider where these red flag warnings come from. There is a witness aspect to our consciousness that seems to know more than we think. There is the saying "who is watching the watcher?". There can be an experience of pain, but then there is also the part of us that notices and observes the pain. We seem to be more than just bodies and brains. Perhaps

 " Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom."                                                              ~ Viktor Frankl   The other day I got an email from Brene Brown called Creating Space. In it she talked about her experience of not having space and learning to pause. Recognizing the importance of a pause, she and her staff are taking a summer sabbatical to rest and refresh. That is one kind of space, and there are others. When I was growing up we were always rushed. If my mother wasn't early for something she thought she was late and she instilled that behavior in her children. We were rushed through everything. Even my elementary school principle, Miss Pickard, would tell us to "take your time, but hurry". My son was young when my father told him he better hurry up and choose between two delicious options or he wouldn't get any at all. My father d

          "It's freaky, but it works, because energy isn't limited to a set spatial distance."                                                     ~ Bruce Lipton PhD     When I was training as a Brennan Healing Science (BHS) practitioner we were taught how to read an energy field from a distance and work with it to support a person's healing. While we were at school we would pair up and then when we got home we would work remotely and compare notes. It was great practice and confirmed for me that we are indeed all connected even if we are half a world apart. But for myself, I was reluctant to try remote healing. The BHS practitioner I was seeing lived a couple of hours away and it was an all day affair to see him. I loved being face to face and didn't want to give that up even though it was challenging getting child care arranged, and driving through bad weather at times. One day I called to reschedule because something had come up. He suggested we try a rem