Our Stories Matter

"Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses." Aleks Krotoski

When I was teaching at the healing school, circa 1998-2012, we would frequently stop students from telling their stories. Why would we do that? At the time it was the best we knew to do. But there is a difference between telling our story and getting stuck and identified with our story, which is what we were trying to circumvent. Often I saw people shut down when they couldn't share what they had experienced. When we share with an openhearted, non-judgmental person, telling our story supports growth, recovery and healing. Our story elicits compassion, possible validation or new information. It also connects us to other human beings. I remember sharing that my family said I was such a bad baby my mother wanted to flush me down the toilet. In my family that story was told over and over to great peals of laughter. It became so much a part of who I was I never noticed how brutal an image it was. When I shared it in a therapy group, people gasped. Shock instantly registered on faces around the circle. That experience enabled me to explore issues about myself that I took for granted. Our stories might bring shame out into the light of day where like a vampire, it melts away. Compassion is balm for our wounds. Telling our story to an accepting ear helps us feel that we are not abnormal or alone. The secret stories we hold on to, once revealed, are released to compassionate acceptance.

We need to tell our story, speak it, write it, or draw it. Notice if you have become identified with the story. How whould you like to tell a new story? Our stories reflect an experience, belief, thoughts that we have. Some of that originated when we were young and didn't have the cognitive ability to sort out the truth. As Ms. Krotoski so eloquently says, they are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. They are not who we are. We can change our stories and that is what healing is all about.