The Power of ....................Space

 "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." 

                                                            ~ Viktor Frankl

 

The other day I got an email from Brene Brown called Creating Space. In it she talked about her experience of not having space and learning to pause. Recognizing the importance of a pause, she and her staff are taking a summer sabbatical to rest and refresh. That is one kind of space, and there are others.

When I was growing up we were always rushed. If my mother wasn't early for something she thought she was late and she instilled that behavior in her children. We were rushed through everything. Even my elementary school principle, Miss Pickard, would tell us to "take your time, but hurry". My son was young when my father told him he better hurry up and choose between two delicious options or he wouldn't get any at all. My father didn't have the patience to pause, maybe because he was never allowed space. I spent most of my life rushing here or there. Hurry with decisions, hurry with tasks, and even hurry to sleep. Then one day in a meditation I had a new thought: There is no rush. It seems so simple and obvious, but being groomed to hurry up, it had never occurred to me.

In the past when I would write an article I would rush to publish it. Now I give it time to settle. There is no rush. That space has improved the clarity and content of what I am trying to say. When someone asks me for a decision, (other than do I want ice cream which is always a yes) I take time to think about it. When someone I care about is struggling, I give us both some space to see what will arise. When I am hurt or angry, I take some space to clear my head. Always in the back of my mind are the words There is no rush.

Taking a pause between action and reaction helps us to choose how we want to relate. Like a fine wine, we need time to breathe to be at our best. When I slowed down I gained some significant insights. My need to jump in quickly did not give others space to experience their own feelings and competence. When I allowed more space, I discovered that new possibilities opened up for everyone. Competency and confidence increased because there was space to ask for information, and to weigh options. Taking a pause shows us that we can trust the process. It can give us clarity and show us a way through situations instead of wrestling them to the ground on automatic pilot.

There is no rush.

Important to note here is that in our productive society where we hesitate to take a sick day, a space can be unknown scary territory. Like my son, we may feel if we do not hurry up we will lose out. We may feel if we do not have an immediate answer people will think we are incompetent or indifferent. Keep in mind that taking space is not avoidance. Avoidance is pushing something away, keeping it at arms length, turning our back and slinking off into the night. Pausing is being present, like walking into an expansive sun lit meadow. Avoidance can go on for a long time, if we let it, but taking space is limited. It is time to think, to feel and to explore. We come back to make that decision, complete that task or have that conversation with "increased presence and abiility to make choices" according to Tara Brach, Ph.D.

"In a moment of stopping, we break the pattern between past result and automatic reaction...in the stillness before our habits arise, we become free to act wisely." (Jack Kornfield) That old adage of "counting to ten", encapsulated the wisdom of taking a pause to give us time to cool off.

Back in the 1920's (no, I personally do not remember it) Coke had an ad campiagn that declared “It's The Pause That Refreshes” . I think they had something in that message. Let's be refreshed!