Listen...Your Body is Talking.

 

“Your body is your best guide. It constantly tells you, in the form of pain or sensations, what’s working for you and what’s not.” ― Hina Hashmi 

 Go inside and listen to your body, because your body will never lie to you. Your mind will play tricks, but the way you feel in your heart, in your guts, is the truth. ~ Miguel Ruiz

I have been in the process of writing this piece and this morning I saw a letter to Dear Abby that totally illustrated a point I was making. A woman had reconnected with an old flame from 30 years ago. His wife died a couple of years before. She was writing because she was concerned about what she called co-dependency between him and his daughter. She talked with him about her concerns and he basically blew it off saying it will be ok with time.

She also said that the majority of their time is spent with daughter and granddaughter. She asked him for boundaries around their relationship, noting there seems to be a lack of healthy boundaries. Now here comes the line I wanted you to hear:

Abby, if everything is going to be “all right,” as he believes, why do I feel like I’m filling an empty space with no foreseeable returns in this family dynamic?

Please note what she said: I feel like...!

We all know that unsettled feeling when something isn't right. Like the time you brought a problem to your partner and they said you were always complaining or that you were too sensitive. We are always bouncing back and forth between the sensate and the cognitive. For those of us who have experienced a toxic relationship our body is already primed. The body is going to vibrate like a tuning fork of consciousness, energy and cells, when we run into a toxic person. The brain will tell us we are being silly, and give them a chance. I had a teacher once who told me that we need to pay attention when something feels off. We want to give ourselves time to learn more about that feeling. Dr. Ramani in her video about listening to the body, says the body has no ability to talk itself out of what it knows. It feels what it feels. We can all probably look back and recognize warning feelings at some point or another. Did you listen to your body? This is where it gets complicated. Unless we have learned to listen from some bad and painful experiences, more often than not, we ignore that pit in our stomach, the pounding heart or however else you experience your warning system. Rational thought has taken precedence and overrules our insticts. But our instincts are still there.

It is important here to discern what we mean by sensation versus feelings, because the word feeling can mean many things. Years ago a therapist told me that feelings are not facts. Feelings, as emotions, are not rational, whereas facts are extremely rational. So in that respect he was right. When we "listen to the body" we want to be aware of sensations in the body, a different kind of feeling. Today in a therapy session I was very aware of sensations in my body including shaking and heat. I also had feelings which are emotions. Sensations are the facts of the body's information system. They are true, and give us information. Emotions and thoughts are intricately connected and can keep looping. Sensations in the body stand alone and are clear. Shaking and heat are what they are. Once we feel the body's sensations we may want to explore further by thinking about it and that may elicit emotions. But the fact is, the body sensations are still just what they are.

Let's go back to the woman in the letter. She has a feeling about this budding relationship, but she also wants the relationship to work. Maybe she is lonely, needs financial or other support, or sees her chances for a relationship dwindling. Maybe she thinks that in time he will change or she can get him to understand. She might even think she can adjust and get along without what she needs. All of that is going to affect how well, or if, she listens to her "feeling".

Our body can help us stay out of dangerous situations and it can help us make decisions. All of the training and work I have done has always pointed to the fact that the body knows a lot more then our minds do. Notice how and where you feel that early warning system. Also notice how and when you feel safe and comfortable. Your gut, heart, and intuition, will never be confused and never lie to you. Keep listening.