Hindsight is 20/20

 


 

"When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou

We could save ourselves a lot of grief if we follow Maya Angelou's sage advice: "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." But we generally don't. At least I haven't.

I read a ProPublica article where Logan Jaffe was recounting a piece written by one of his colleagues, Nicole Carr. Carr was wrestling with covid and difficult decisions about sending her kids to school. After attending a school orientation where lots of people were milling about meeting teachers and classmates, most not wearing masks and no social distancing to be seen, she was greatly concerned about the safety of her children. One teacher was asked if she would wear a mask when teaching. She said absolutely NOT. With emphasis on the not. Carr made an effort to find out what the school policies were and discovered a hard truth. The school district didn’t see itself as responsible for her children’s safety. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. We don't have to judge them, just believe them. We don't have to get them to change their behavior either. We can assert ourselves, share out thoughts on the behavior, and then leave it up to them. Sometimes we just have to accept the truth and move on. She chose not to send her children to that school.

I think we all have moments when we have feel that ping of "something isn't right". Someone would say something unkind, or not true, and we brush it off. After all, we want to believe the best in people. Later, probably after many more pings, it dawns that the person was exactly how they presented themselves and we had blinders on.

Years ago, in my dating days, I read a really terrific little book called "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt, a comedian and actor. Basically the whole book is a wake up call for women to believe what a guy shows you the first time. It was a real, down to earth, eye opener.

In spite of what we may want to see, people show us who they are. As Dr. Rick says in the Progressive Insurance ads, "We all see it". Yet sometimes we choose to close our eyes. See if you can remember times when this happened. If we can cut through our fog of projected desires and agendas, we can make solid, healthy decisions about relationships. Hindsight is 20/20, but learning from the past will inform the future.

As the sheep said of the wolf: He tells it like it is.

Believe him.







Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Create Your Recovery Playlist

Image
  “Across the history of time, music has been used in all cultures for healing and medicine,” ~Shilagh Mirgain, PhD. Recently, it seemed music was coming to me from all directions. My cousin told me about a country song by Anna Avery that made her think if me. Later I was checking YouTube subscriptions for new videos when I came across lists of songs to aid in recovery. It reminded me of how useful music is for healing.  Kahlil Gibran said "Music is the language of the spirit. It opens the secret language of life by bringing peace, abolishing strife". "I've found that no matter what life throws at me, music softens the blow." Said Bryce W. Anderson, and I would have to agree.  An interesting dynamic with humans, is that we can get caught in a loop of repeated thoughts and emotions, mostly the ones that don't feel good like worry, fear, hurt, and regret. When that happens it can set the tone for hours or even days. Knowing how to reset ourselves a
Read more

Our Stories Matter

Image
"Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses." Aleks Krotoski When I was teaching at the healing school, circa 1998-2012, we would frequently stop students from telling their stories. Why would we do that? At the time it was the best we knew to do. But there is a difference between telling our story and getting stuck and identified with our story, which is what we were trying to circumvent. Often I saw people shut down when they couldn't share what they had experienced. When we share with an openhearted, non-judgmental person, telling our story supports growth, recovery and healing. Our story elicits compassion, possible validation or new information. It also connects us to other human beings. I remember sharing that my family said I was such a bad baby my mother wanted to flush me down the toilet. In my family that story was told over and over to great peals of laughter. It became so much a part of who I was I never noticed how brutal an image it w
Read more

Listen...Your Body is Talking.

Image
  “Your body is your best guide. It constantly tells you, in the form of pain or sensations, what’s working for you and what’s not.” ― Hina Hashmi   Go inside and listen to your body, because your body will never lie to you. Your mind will play tricks, but the way you feel in your heart, in your guts, is the truth. ~ Miguel Ruiz I have been in the process of writing this piece and this morning I saw a letter to Dear Abby that totally illustrated a point I was making. A woman had reconnected with an old flame from 30 years ago. His wife died a couple of years before. She was writing because she was concerned about what she called co-dependency between him and his daughter. She talked with him about her concerns and he basically blew it off saying it will be ok with time. She also said that the majority of their time is spent with daughter and granddaughter. She asked him for boundaries around their relations
Read more